Washboard Abs?

I rode my bike to work today. Yesterday, as it was snowy and wet, I took the subway (actually, it "took me" didn't it?). As much as I prefer riding my bike, one of the advantages of transit is that I get to read. Yesterday morning, I chose to read a newspaper.

I read that there's a big scandal in the world of R&B and HipHop.

"What sort of scandal?", you ask.

Lipsynching? Guns? Payola? Drugs?

Nope. Steroids!

"No, knarf, you're thinking of baseball, Roger Clemens, wrestling, American Gladiators (yes, it's back!), football..."

Actually, I am thinking about R&B. Have you watched music videos over the past decade or more? Have you noticed how many performers, both male and female, manage to show a ripped torso, those "six pack abs", that "washboard stomach"? So now, someone's blowing the whistle on Mary J. Blige, Timbaland, 50 Cent (apparently to be pronounced "fitty sen") and others, claiming they got their buff buns with chemical assistance.

Say it ain't so!

The kneejerk reaction would be to presume that this is all due to music videos, that they take away from the music, that they make appearance and image paramount over talent. Such a proposition would be facile. Turns out that Beethoven, Bach and Brahms (the infamous Three B's) had muscle fetishes, and for hundreds of years, classical performers have hidden rock-hard bodies under those conservative duds. You wouldn't know it to look at them, with their serene faces and severe concentration, but traditionally the only way they would be accepted into any high-profile orchestra was to show a bulging bicep, colossal quads or prodigious pecs.

It's classical music's "dirty little secret", and I hope today's blog doesn't blow this thing sky high, but hey, it's all about the kids, isn't it?